Proverbs teaches us that there are three kinds of people: the wise (Proverbs 1:5), fools (Proverbs 1:7), and the evil (Proverbs 6:12-15). As pastors, our role is to protect our flock and ourselves from evil. Understanding the stages of narcissistic descent can equip us to recognize and address these challenges effectively. Here are the seven stages a person may descend into a narcissistic life within the church:

Stage One: The Charm Offensive

In the initial stage, the narcissist wins people over with flattery and friendship. They are charming and make you feel special, quickly aligning themselves with your cause and gaining your trust. This stage is characterized by their ability to make a strong first impression, often leaving you feeling valued and appreciated.

Stage Two: The Gentle Approach

During this period, the narcissist is all about kindness and gentle handling. They avoid confrontations and are excessively accommodating. They can't handle the truth, so you find yourself restraining from being completely honest with them. This stage is marked by a seemingly harmonious relationship, where the narcissist maintains a facade of cooperation and support.

Stage Three: The Seeds of Doubt

As time passes, the narcissist begins to sow seeds of dissension. They start to doubt your leadership and subtly gossip to others. This stage involves covert operations to undermine your authority and create divisions within the church community. Their actions are calculated to erode trust and sow discord.

Stage Four: The Chaos Creator

In this stage, the narcissist creates a vortex of chaos. Drama, hurt, and public questioning of your character become the norm. They manipulate situations to portray themselves as the victims, drawing others into their web of deceit. This phase is characterized by intense emotional turmoil and instability within the church.

Stage Five: The Scorched Earth Strategy

The narcissist escalates their tactics with a scorched earth strategy. They send "flying monkeys" – supporters who carry out their bidding – and form sympathy attack groups. Their goal is to destroy your reputation and isolate you from your support network. This stage involves relentless attacks and a concerted effort to discredit you.

Stage Six: The Proving Period

After causing significant damage, the narcissist moves on to a new church, displaying their best behavior to prove their goodness. They are on their best behavior, trying to win over new allies and rebuild their image. This stage is marked by a temporary period of peace, where the narcissist appears reformed and trustworthy.

Stage Seven: The Inevitable Isolation

Ultimately, the narcissist's true nature resurfaces, leading to their isolation. They can't suppress who they really are for too long, and their destructive patterns repeat. This stage involves the narcissist becoming increasingly isolated as their behavior alienates those around them, revealing the true extent of their dysfunction.

Recognizing these stages can help pastors protect their congregation and themselves from the insidious influence of narcissistic individuals. By staying vigilant and addressing issues early, we can foster a healthy, supportive church environment that nurtures wisdom and discourages destructive behavior. If you need help in this area, please reach out!

This article was inspired by a pastor fellowship presentation by Pastor Chris Weeks of Kent City Baptist. Used with permission.