Responding to Another Person's Failure

Thinking God’sWay, Lesson 8

Thinking God’sWay is a series of Bible studies that help believers meditate on theWord of God for the purpose of Christian growth. Each lesson features a verseof Scripture in English and the original language (whether Hebrew or Greek). Italso provides basic background information, followed by basic word definitionsand other key insights. Each lesson concludes with some questions formeditation and for applying the truth to life.

InitialThoughts

Closerelationships, especially in your family and church, provide valuableopportunities to develop and practice godly virtues. Yet sometimes thesevirtues seem to collide, especially when we feel the need to choose betweenlove and justice. In these moments, how should you handle the shortcomings andfailures in your life? This Proverb helps answer that question.

Key Verse: Proverbs10:12

In English(NKJV)

Hatred stirs upstrife,

            but love covers all sins.

In Hebrew

שִׂ֭נְאָה תְּעוֹרֵ֣ר מְדָנִ֑ים

וְעַ֥ל כָּל־פְּ֝שָׁעִ֗ים תְּכַסֶּ֥ה אַהֲבָֽה

English andGreek Together

Hatred (שִׂ֭נְאָה) stirs up (תְּעוֹרֵ֣ר) strife (מְדָנִ֑ים),

            but (וְעַ֥ל) all sins (כָּל־פְּ֝שָׁעִ֗ים) covers (תְּכַסֶּ֥ה) love (אַהֲבָֽה).

BackgroundInformation

This statementappears in the Old Testament book of Proverbs, which provides an extensivecollection of insights for a wide variety of situations. They teach you how tolive in a skillful, successful, and satisfying way.

Mostimportantly, they teach you how to make choices in light of what you know aboutGod, for “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7). SinceGod is who he says he is, does what he says he does, and rules over everyaspect of our lives, we should give him the respect he deserves by makingchoices that reflect this awareness.

Keywords andtheir Meanings

Mounce’sComplete Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006) together with an interlinearBible, like The NKJV Greek English Interlinear New Testament (ThomasNelson, 1994) is an excellent way to get accurate definitions for your Biblestudy based upon Greek and Hebrew meanings.

• Hatred(‎שִׂנְאָה‎): “hatred, malice.” This worddescribes strong feelings of revulsion and hostility and may even includehurtful actions that come from these feelings. This feeling demonstrates that aperson does not value the person(s) they hate.

• Stirup (עוֹר): “to awaken, arouse,raise up.” James Swanson, in his Dictionary of Biblical Languagues,describes this particular form of the word as “a non-linear motion of liftingan object with the hand high enough to strike an object with force (2Sa 23:18;1Ch 11:11, 20; Isa 10:26).

• Strife (מָדוֹן): “discord, strife” as in “a contest or quarrel: brawling, contention.” In particular, it may refer specifically to a verbal argument or quarrel (Prov 26:20).

• Love(אַהֲבָה): “love; friendship,familial love, romantic love, or covenant loyalty.” Just as שִׂנְאָה portrays a strong feeling of revulsion, this word portrays astrong feeling of affection. This feeling demonstrates that a person doesvalue the person(s) or thing(s) they love.

• Covers (כָּסָה): “to cover, conceal; to decorate; to overwhelm.” This act of “concealing” or “covering” includes things like keeping something hidden or to yourself (or between you and the other party), keeping information from spreading to other people (Prov 12:16). As a concept, it is also related closely to forgiveness (Psa 32:1).

• All (כֹּל):“all, everyone, everything, totality of a mass or collective; every, any, aparticular of a totality.” By “any,” we can read it as “any kind of” or “allkinds of.”

• Sins (פֶּ֫שַׁע): “rebellion, revolt,sin, transgression (against human or divine authority).” This word emphasizes adefiance mindset that violates established standards of conduct, whetherestablished by God (i.e., religious and moral) or human beings (i.e., civil orcommunity).

Other KeyInsights

This statementis written in a format called Hebrew parallelism. In this case, it features twolines (a “couplet”) written as antithetical (or contrasting) parallelism, whichmeans that the second line (or “B line”) presents an idea that’s opposite ordifferent from the first life (the “A Line”).

The parallelismformat helps you memorize Scripture and think about it in a thought-provokingway. When you think about a proverb, don’t just ask questions about theindividual words and lines, but also ask questions about how the lines relateto each other.

From a broaderperspective within the book of Proverbs, this verse differs from one likeProverbs 28:13. While Proverbs 10:12 teaches you how to respond to the sins ofothers, Proverbs 28:13 teaches you how to respond to your own sins. Though youshould cover the sins of others, you should not cover your own.

This is animportant principle not only because Proverbs repeats it in a similar formanother time (Prov 17:9), but also because the New Testament quotes it threetimes, once by James, once by Paul, and once by Peter (Jam 5:20; 1 Cor 13:4-7;1 Pet 4:8).

Questions forMeditation and Reflection

What are somerelationships in which we tend to harbor hatred in our hearts towards the otherperson(s)?

Towards our (1)parents, (2) spouse, (3) child(ren), (4) sibling(s), (5) other relatives, (6)neighbor(s), (7) coworkers and colleagues, (8) friends, and (9) fellow churchmembers. Anyone else?

According tothis proverb, what sort of action(s) or behavior will you be prone to do if youallow hatred towards another person to fester in your heart?

You will begin to “bring things up,” “stir things up,” “lift things up,” and magnify the problems and failures of the other person. It's what we mean when we say "make a mountain out of a molehill."

According tothis proverb, what sort of moments or events will increase and intensify asresult of this behavior?

Feelings ofdiscord and relationship strife will increase. You will find yourselfcompeting, contending, quarreling, brawling, and fighting with the person youhate. This experience usually begins with a series of verbal altercations of anintensifying nature. If unresolved, they may lead to physical altercations aswell.

Why do we oftenfeel justified in escalating and magnifying the problems and failures inanother person’s life?

Perhaps we feelthe need to “take matters into our own hands” as though it is our obligation toroot out every wrong behavior and failure from the person’s life. Or perhaps wehave a strong sense of justice or conscientiousness that insists on everythingbeing exactly right according to our sense of ideal standards. Or perhaps weare looking for a way to make our own self feel good by highlighting anotherperson’s failures to overshadow our own. Or perhaps we just flat out don’t likethe person and want to make his or her life miserable.

What does thiskind of behavior towards other people reveal about our view towards thosepeople?

It reveals anunderlying lack of appreciation for that person. It shows that we place a lowvalue on him or her and on the relationship itself. It indicates that you prioritizeother things over that person and the relationship.

In what way(s) doesa mindset of love for the people in your life differ from harboring hatredtowards them instead? What does it say about your view towards them?

It demonstratesthat you value that person and that maintaining your relationship with him orher is a high priority in your life. It shows that you are willing to toleratea certain measure of failure and disappointment because you value therelationship and the person more than your own personal comfort and reputation.

How does loverespond to the failures of people in your life?

Rather than “liftingup” and making a big deal out of a person’s failure, love minimizes thatfailure and treats it like a small thing instead. It means that you will keepit between you and the other person alone rather than speak about it to otherpeople (Prov 12:16). Love chooses to forgive, letting go of the failure as a “thing”and releasing the person from any further expectations regarding the failure(Psa 32:1).

Why is itdifficult to respond this way?

It is difficultfor many reasons. Perhaps we don’t genuinely love the other person as we thinkwe do. Perhaps we do not empathize with the other person as we should, orperhaps we worry that they’ll let us down again if we don’t escalate ourresponse. Perhaps we forget that God knows everything and will work everythingout in his perfect way, so we feel the need to make things happen ourselves instead.

How many kindsof failure should you handle this way? Also, how many occurrences (orreoccurrences) should you handle this way?

All means “every kind” and “every occurrence.” Since this is aproverb, we need to remember that it doesn’t say everything that needs to besaid. For instance, you should not conceal a crime, since that is illegal (Rom13:1-5). Furthermore, there is a proper approach to escalating confrontation incertain cases, esp. when a person refuses to acknowledge his or her wrongdoingwhen you speak to them (Matt 18:15-17). Even so, we should learn to forgive oneanother indefinitely (Matt 18:21-22). Furthermore, not every failure needs tobe made into an urgent issue (Matt 7:1-5).

What do youknow about God that enables you to apply this proverb to your life?

He is just (Gen18:25). He is longsuffering (Num 14:18). He is omniscient (Prov 15:3). He ismerciful (Dan 9:9). He is forgiving (Psa 130:3-4).

A PersonalTranslation

Before youconsider how to apply this truth to your life by allowing it to change yourmindset and approach to life, write out a personal translation. Use what youhave learned  to write this verse in yourown words.

Questions forPersonal Application

• In what relationships do you sense a personal tendency to harbor hatred in your heart towards the other person?

• Whatsins or failures do you find especially difficult to forgive?

• Inwhat way(s) do you find yourself amplifying and elevating the problem, drawingmore attention to it not less?

• Howdo these moments turn out?

• Whatdoes this reveal about your true attitude towards the person who let you down?

• Howcan you respond differently in the future?

• Howwill this affect your relationship with that person?

• Howwill this change your mindset and attitude towards that person?

• Whatcan you do to help yourself trust in God rather than amplify the problem?