Responding to an Angry Person
Thinking God’sWay, Lesson 2
Thinking God’sWay is a series of Bible studies that help believers meditate on theWord of God for the purpose of Christian growth. Each lesson features a verseof Scripture in English and the original language (whether Hebrew or Greek). Italso provides basic background information, followed by basic word definitionsand other key insights. Each lesson concludes with some questions formeditation and for applying the truth to life.
InitialThoughts
The world isfilled with angry people. Sometimes they express their anger when you’re aroundthem. They may even direct their anger towards you.
When thishappens, how should you respond? Proverbs 15:1 helps answer this question by describingboth an appropriate and inappropriate response, followed by the generaloutcomes of each one.
Key Verse:Proverbs 15:1
In English(NKJV)
A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harshword stirs up anger.
In Hebrew
מַֽעֲנֶה־רַּ֭ךְ יָשִׁ֣יב חֵמָ֑ה
וּדְבַר־עֶ֝֗צֶב יַעֲלֶה־אָֽף
English andGreek Together
A soft answer (מַֽעֲנֶה־רַּ֭ךְ)turns away (יָשִׁ֣יב) wrath (חֵמָ֑ה),
But a harshword (וּדְבַר־עֶ֝֗צֶב) stirs up (יַעֲלֶה)anger (אָֽף).
BackgroundInformation
This statementappears in the Old Testament book of Proverbs, which provides an extensive collectionof insights for a wide variety of situations. They teach you how to live in askillful, successful, and satisfying way.
Mostimportantly, they teach you how to make choices in light of what you know aboutGod, for “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7). SinceGod is who he says he is, does what he says he does, and rules over everyaspect of our lives, we should give him the respect he deserves by makingchoices that reflect this awareness.
Keywords andtheir Meanings
Thesedefinitions come from Mounce’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old & New TestamentWords (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), which isa valuable resource to add to your personal Bible study library.
- Soft(רַךְ): gentle, tender, weak
- Answer(מַעֲנֶה):reply, answer, response
- Turnaway (שׁוּב): restore, recover,bring back
- Wrath(חֵמָה): anger, wrath, fury,rage, from the base meaning of heat (as in “hot-headed”); by extension: venom(poison that causes a burning sensation)
- Harsh(עֶ֫צֶב): pain, toil, hard work
- Word(דָּבָר): what is said, word (orany unit of speech such as a clause, or the whole of communication)
- Stirup (עָלָה): to go up, take up, setup, offer a sacrifice
- Anger (אַף): nose (representing theface or some part of the face); “hot of nose” signifies anger; fury
Other KeyInsights
This statementis written in a format called Hebrew parallelism. In this case, it features twolines (a “couplet”) with opposite ideas, which is called an antithetical(or contrasting) couplet. When you study a couplet, call the first linethe “A Line” and the second line the “B Line.”
The Hebrewparallelism format helps you to memorize Scripture and think about it in areflective, thought-provoking way. When you think about a proverb, don’t justask questions about the individual words and lines, but also ask questionsabout how the lines relate to each other.
Questions forMeditation and Reflection
What kind ofsituation does this proverb describe?
It describes asituation in which you are in the presence or in contact with an angry person.
In thissituation, who is the aggressor and who is the responder?
The aggressoris the other person who is angry, and you are the responder who must choose howto react to this person. The word answer supports this interpretationbecause it refers to something more specific than just “saying something.” Itrefers to saying something in response to what another person said or did toyou (or at least in your presence).
Does thissituation focus on verbal communication, physical actions, or both?
It focuses onverbal communication. The word answer (in the A Line) indicates this,and so does word (in the B Line). Today we might call this a verbal altercation.
How does thisproverb portray the anger of the other person?
The A Lineportrays this anger as “hot” or “burning.” Today we might call this person“hot-headed” or livid. The B Line portrays this anger as being “hot-nosed,”which may suggest a horse that snorts angrily through his nostrils. What otherdescriptions of anger do we use today to describe this kind of emotional andmental state?
What is yournatural response or reaction when a person speaks to you this way?
We easilyrespond in the “heat” of the moment with some sharp words of our own. The BLine acknowledges this tendency and describes such a reaction as speakinghurtful words that cause pain.
How does asharp response affect the situation?
This naturalreaction may seem equal and justified, as though one angry word deserves anangry word in return. But rather than help, such painful words only exacerbatethe problem. The word stir up in the B Line should recall the flames ona sacrificial altar. For a modern-day analogy, consider what happens when yousplash some gasoline onto a campfire.
This is whatyour painful words do to an angry person – you intensify their anger becauseone angry word stirs up more anger, and the problem only gets worse. Alsonotice the emphasis on painful words, not loud or boisterouswords. Though your painful words of reply may be loud and yelling, they mayalso be painful in more clever, calculated ways. You might, for instance, saysomething sarcastic, or even something that is true but with a mocking tone ofvoice. There are many ways to say painful things. Can you think of any others?
What is thewise way to respond?
Respond to anangry person in a gentle, tender way. Though this seems counterintuitive andmay feel weak at first, it tends to yield far better results. Furthermore, thiskind of gentle response means more than answering in a “quiet” voice that“keeps the volume down.” As we already observed, quiet words can also be painful.The key is to say something that is not only gentle in manner and tone but isalso thoughtful and appropriate in content.
What tends tohappen when you respond to an angry person in a gentle way?
When speak thisway to an angry person, don’t be surprised if they stop their antics and beginto calm down. In fact, a gentle, thoughtful response can do more than calm aperson down; it can return or restore them to a former, more peaceful, clearerstate of mind.
What do youknow about God (his character and his ways) that encourages you to respond toan angry person this way?
God is just andwill measure out the consequences for anyone’s anger, so you do not need to dothis for him (Rom 12:17-19). Jesus did not return abusive speech for abusivespeech, nor did he make threats (1 Pet 2:23).
Questions forPersonal Application
- Namesome situations or relationships in your life in which you encounter an angryperson.
- Describehow you naturally respond to each of these situations and people? If yourespond unwisely, then in what way does your response cause pain to the otherperson? Through loud volume, sarcasm, something else?
- Whatoutcome does each response tend to produce? (a) it makes the situation worse,(b) it leaves the situation alone with no change, (c) it turns the situation ina positive direction
- Describewhat a “gentle and tender” response might be like for each encounter with anangry person in your life.
- Whatpersonal attributes of God do you need to acknowledge and rely upon that willenable you to respond properly to angry people on a more consistent basis?
