Obedience with Christ in Mind
Ephesians 6:1-3
How strong is your bridge?
In sixth grade, I built a toothpick bridge for a class project. The goal of that project was to see which student could build the strongest bridge, one that could bear the most weight without breaking. This week, I built a toothpick bridge again with my three oldest children. Later in the sermon, we’ll see how strong it is!
First, I want to talk about another bridge, the relationship between parents and their children. This is an important bridge because it connects one generation in a church to the next. Parents represent one generation while their children represent the next. The strength of the relationship between parents and their children will determine whether the next generation fulfills or falls short of its mission to reveal Christ to the world.
Your relationship with your parents is a bridge between you and God.
Not only is your relationship with your parents a bridge to the future, it’s a bridge between you and God. In the Ten Commandments, the first four speak about our relationship with God, the last five speak about our relationships with other people, but the fifth command, the one that’s the bridge in the middle, is, “Honor your father and mother” (Exo 20:12).
Can you see how important this relationship is? If you don’t honor your parents, then you’ll have a hard time honoring God as well. Children who disobey and disrespect their parents will struggle to have a close relationship with God.
We can see the evidence today of children who’ve not been taught to obey their parents and who’ve grown up to disrespect their parents. We see that many children in America have not built a strong bridge into the future and that’s why our future is crumbling.
Obedient children are evidence of a Spirit-filled church.
When we read Eph 6:1-3, remember what comes before. This letter to the believers at Ephesus explains how God reveals himself to the world through the church (Eph 3:21). The first three chapters give teaching about the doctrine of the church and our relationship to Christ. The second three chapters give instructions about how to connect this truth to our behavior in the three major zones of our lives: church, home, and work.
Eph 6:1-3 is in the second half of this letter and is part of what Paul says about being “filled with the Spirit” (Eph 5:18). When we come together for worship, fellowship, and service, we should recognize the presence of the Holy Spirit among us. When we do, he enables us to sing, give thanks, and submit to one another (which means to put other people first and treat others as more important than myself).
When a church recognizes and experiences the Holy Spirit’s presence this way, they live differently at home as a result. First, they experience change in the marriage relationship. Wives get behind their husband’s decisions and treat them with respect. Husbands love their wives by meeting their material and personal needs at any cost.
The Spirit brings change in another family relationship too – parents and children. Just as God’s change in a marriage affects both sides, the wife and husband, the change in the parent-child relationship affects both sides too, children and their parents. When Paul wrote about these changes, he spoke to the children first in Eph 6:1-3. In these verses, he shows how children can strengthen the bridge in their church to the next generation.
Children are important people in the church.
In Eph 6:1, Paul speaks to children in the church. He is shifting focus from the wives and husbands in the audience the children who are there. He is speaking to young children being cared for by their parents at home. He uses the word τέκνον, which indicates a minor living at home, not an independent or married adult. What’s more, he describes parents in Eph 6:4 who are raising their children to prepare them for adulthood.
Once in Jesus’ ministry his disciples tried to stop children from coming to him. They didn’t think children were important but Christ disagreed. He said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 19:14). Paul picks up on how Jesus viewed children just as importantly as adults.
Children, do you realize how important you are to the church? You’re just as important as your mom and dad. It’s important for your mom to be a good wife and mother, and it’s important for your dad to be a good husband and father. But you have an important role to play as well – to obey your parents. No matter how good your parents may be, if you don’t obey them, we can’t build a strong bridge to the future. Our bridge will collapse and the church will not show to the world how good God is and how much he loves them.
Children should take their parents seriously.
That’s the bottom line of what Paul says in these verses. When children take their parents seriously, they do their part to build a strong bridge into the future, for themselves, their church and the world. The opposite of this is when children treat their parents like they’re nothing, they’re unimportant, they’re no big deal. When this happens, children don’t build a strong bridge for the future, they build a bridge that’s going to collapse in disaster.
Do you take your parents seriously? Are you building a strong bridge into the future or are you paving for disappointment and disaster? To answer this question, let’s hear what Paul says to us as children. He says that children should take their parents seriously in two important ways. You honor them and obey them. That's how you take them seriously.
Obey your parents.
This means to hear what your parents say to you and do what they tell you to do. To learn how this works, there’s a funny example of a girl in Acts 12:13. Her name was Rhoda and people from her church were together for a prayer meeting. They were praying because Peter had been put in jail and was going to be killed for telling people about Jesus. They prayed God would get Peter out of prison and guess what? He did!
That night, God unlocked the prison so Peter could escape. Once outside, Peter went to the house where people were praying for him and knocked on the door at the gate. Here’s where obedience comes in. Rhoda, heard the knocking sound and “came to answer.” That’s what obedience is. When you hear a doorbell ring, you immediately pay attention and go to see who’s there. If it’s someone you know, you open the door.
Obey right away, all the way, and don’t forget.
When I was a young boy, if my mother called me from the kitchen and told me to come to the table, did I obey if I came 5 minutes later because I wanted to finish a computer game? If my father told me to get out of bed to get dressed for school, but I roll over in my blankets and ignore him for a few more minutes, did I obey him? Why? Because I didn’t obey right away. And what about if I couldn’t hear my parents very well? Should I wait for them to yell louder or pretend like I didn’t hear them? Or should I go to my parents right away to hear what they wanted to say? Delayed obedience is not obedience.
If my parents told me to clean my room but I just put my toys away and didn’t make my bed, did I obey? If they told me to take out the trash but I just took out the trash and didn’t put new bags in the trash cans, did I obey? If they told me to take a full shower but I only rinsed in warm water and didn’t wash my hair or scrub behind my ears, did I obey? Why? Because I didn’t obey all the way. Incomplete obedience is not obedience.
Then there’s this thing about remembering. How many times do your parents need to tell you something? Once. When I was a boy, we had a clothesline in the basement of our home. One day my mother told me to go downstairs and take my pants off the clothesline. Since the clothespins were too high for me to reach, she told me to get a small ladder, climb the ladder to get my pants and take the clothespins down, then put the clothespins and ladder away. “Don’t leave the clothespins hanging on the line,” she would say.
Well, there were a few times I went to get my pants down from the line, but I forgot what she said. (Either that or I was too lazy.) Since getting the ladder and taking down the clothespins sounded like too much work, I just reached up and yanked my pants off the line and left the clothespins hanging.
What do you think happened when my mother saw them hanging on the line? She gave me consequences. “I forgot,” I would say, but she would say, “Tommy, you’re supposed to remember. Even if you forget what I told you, it’s still disobedience. It’s your responsibility to remember. It’s not my job to repeat myself every time you get your pants.”
When Paul says, “Obey,” he means to keep on doing it. He isn’t talking about big, special moments when you feel like it. He’s speaking about how you live every day, a habit, a pattern of behavior. Obeying your parents is what you’re supposed to do all the time.
How do you treat your parents? Do you treat them like doorbells? When they speak, do you listen to what they say and do what they tell you to do immediately? If you make up your mind to obey your parents right away, all the way, and don’t forget, then you are building a strong bridge into the future, for you and your church. But if you delay, obey part way, and forget what you’re told, then you’re the bridge for your future will not be strong. Let me give you three reasons from Eph 6:1-3 why you should obey your parents.
Obey because it’s what Jesus would do.
You probably know that Jesus is God. If not, then you need to know right now that Jesus is God. He made everything in the universe and he is in charge of it all. No one is more important than Jesus. But one day he came into the world to be a human person, like you and me. He started out as a baby, then he was a child and teenager, then an adult.
When Jesus was an adult, he did something very hard. Do you know what that was? He let people nail him to a cross to die for our sins. He did this because God the Father wanted him to. He obeyed God even though it was a hard thing to do and because he did that for us, now he can save us from our sins. But this was not the first time he had to obey. He obeyed in lots of other things first.
Heb 5:8 says, “He learned obedience by the things which he suffered.” This means that as a grownup, he faced a lot of difficult situations, but he learned to do what God wanted him to do anyway. He obeyed God even when he had to go through some hard things.
Luke 2:51 says, “He went with [his parents] and was subject [obedient] to them.” This means that even though he was the God of the universe, he still obeyed his parents and did what they told him to do. And do you know what happened to him because he obeyed? He “increased in wisdom [education] and stature [health], and in favor with God [spiritual maturity] and man [social skills]” (Luke 2:52). Like Jesus when he was a child, when you obey your parents, you build a strong bridge to the future, for you and for your church.
Obey because it’s what Jesus wants you to do.
I’m talking about Jesus obeying his parents because Paul says children should obey their parents “in the Lord” (Eph 6:1). This means every boy and girl in the church needs to believe that Jesus is their Lord. You need to believe he is God, that he is the only one who can save you from your sins, and that he should be in charge of your life forever. Do you believe that?
Once you believe on Jesus as your God and Savior, you are “in him.” Throughout this book of Ephesians, Paul says Christians are “in Christ” (Eph 2:21; 4:1, 17; 5:8; cf. 1:13). This means you have a close relationship with Jesus and are in the family of God. Since that’s the case then you should live as Jesus lives. Since you’re “in Jesus” and Jesus obeyed his parents, then you should obey your parents, too. That’s what he wants you to do and he is in charge of your life now if you’re a Christian.
When you obey your parents, you are obeying the Lord. When you disobey your parents, you are disobeying God. So, we see that children should obey their parents first because that’s what Jesus would do and second because that’s what he wants you to do. But Paul gives one more reason why you should obey your parents.
Obey because it’s the right thing to do.
Paul says to obey your parents “because it is right” (Eph 6:1). This means that even when obeying your parents doesn’t feel fair, it is fair. When it doesn’t feel good, it’s still the right thing to do. To obey your parents is always the right thing to do.
Now, there is one way you should not obey your parents – if they tell you to do something that’s bad. If your parents tell you to steal, hurt other people, or do other bad, sinful things, then you should try not to do that because you should never disobey the Lord.
But if you’re parents tell you to do something that’s hard to do and isn’t something that you want to do, you still need to do it. Sometimes your parents tell you to do things that are hard to do, or are not fun to do, or seems to be a lot more difficult than what they tell other children to do in your family, and so on. At times like these, you need to remember that it’s still right to obey your parents. What you think is fair and what God says is fair are two different things. Obey your parents. That’s always right and fair in God’s eyes.
Now, “obey your parents” is the first thing you need to do if you’re a child in the church, but there’s something else you need to do as well if you want to build a strong bridge into the future for you and your church.
Honor your parents.
Obey means to listen to what your parents say and do what they tell you to do. Honor adds to that and means that you need to treat them with respect. What does respect mean? It means more than to say “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” with your lips (or however your culture shows respect). It speaks more about your heart attitude towards a person. It means that you really appreciate and value your parents a lot.
To help you understand what this means, I want you to imagine that here at church today, two people offer you some money. One of them says, “[Your name], come over here! I have a penny to give to you!” The other one says, “Come here [your name]! I have a $100 bill for you!” Which person will you go to? Who will you pay attention to? The one with $100, right? And you’ll probably treat them very nicely, too. Why? Because they’re more valuable to you in your heart since they’re giving you a lot more money.
Do you treat your parents like they’re giving you a penny or like they’re giving you $100? You should treat them like $100 all the time. That’s what it means to honor your parents. In fact, that’s where the grownups come in. Even if you’re not a young child anymore, though you no longer have to obey your parents, you should always honor them.
As you grow older, honoring your parents expands in meaning.
You no longer have to obey your parents when you become an independent adult or marry, but you must still take your parents seriously. Pay attention to them by staying in contact. Get their advice when you make major decisions and you should give their advice serious consideration. Speak well of your parents to others, especially around your children (their grandchildren). And do whatever you can to ensure that your parents receive the best of care in their old age when they can no longer care for themselves.
In another place, Paul emphasized caring for your parents in their old age (1 Tim 5:4). He taught that children and grandchildren should take care of their parents and grandparents by literally “repaying” (or “giving back”) to them in old age. This, Paul said, “is good and acceptable before God” (1 Tim 5:4).
Jesus taught the importance of this. He confronted the religious leaders of his day about a financial loophole they had created to avoid spending their money on their elderly parents (Matt 15:3-6). They had created a loophole whereby they could label their funds as “corban” or “a gift to God” which they would use for themselves. By doing this, they felt they did not have to use these funds to help their parents. They would just say, “Sorry, Mom and Dad, I dedicated my money to God.” Jesus said some harsh things about this terrible strategy and accused those men of violating God’s command to honor their parents, suggesting that they might even deserve the death penalty for doing so.
So, here’s the question. Why should we take our parents so seriously even in old age?
Your parents are the most valuable people in your life.
To be sure, no one has perfect parents. But God never makes that a requirement for obedience and respect. Though your parents don’t give you $100 every time they see you, they do so many things for you in this life. They both (esp. your mother) went through some painful and difficult experiences to bring you into this world in the first place. You literally “wouldn’t be here” without them. If that were the only reason to respect your parents, that would be enough. No other people brought you into this world.
There’s more, though. Your parents have lost a lot of sleep because of you. When you were crying and nursing as a baby, when you were throwing temper tantrums and going around messing everything up in the house as a toddler, when you disobeyed them as a young kid, and argued with them as a teenager. I could go on and on. There are so many reasons why parents lose sleep due to their children.
Your parents have also spent a lot of money and time to keep you alive and help you succeed. They’ve said no to so many things that they would like to have or do for themselves because you were more important to them. They’ve worked hard jobs and long hours just to feed you, give you clothing, help you get a good education, keep you healthy, and help you have a good time in life, too.
Then, of course, there’s all the time they’ve spent taking you places and doing things you like to do, and all the time they’ve spent talking with you and teaching you lifelong lessons to protect you from harm and prepare you for a long and successful life. In fact, the longer you live as a person, the more you learn to honor parents because you realize more and more just how much they have done for you and mean to you.
Honor both parents equally.
Notice how Paul (NT) and Moses (OT) teach honor to both parents, father and mother. This is an important mark of Christianity and a major way that the church changes culture. Some cultures promote male hierarchy and treat women as slaves. Other cultures promote matriarchy, viewing men as the person who supplies the money but worshipping mothers with great respect as though everyone answers to her. Biblical Christianity is different because Christian children learn to give respect to mother and father alike.
Disrespecting your parents is one of the worst things you can do.
Your parents, both mother and father, are such valuable and important people in your life that you should never disrespect them. That’s why disrespect to parents is such a terrible sin. In the Old Testament (OT) nation of Israel, God said that there were certain sins like murder, kidnapping, adultery, and homosexuality that deserved the death penalty. That’s right, if you were caught doing those things, you could be executed. Guess what also was on the list of sins for which you could be executed? Disrespecting your parents.
Exo 21:15 says, “He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” This means that any person who would physically hurt or abuse one of his parents could be executed. Exo 21:17 says, “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” This means that any person who gave their parents verbal abuse, belittled them with their words, or said shameful things about them to others to hurt them could also get the death penalty.
The book of Proverbs speaks about this graphically when it says, “The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it” (Prov 30:17). This means that you have a greater chance of an early and tragic death if you are disrespectful to your parents.
In the New Testament (NT), Paul taught when a society like America is filled with children who disobey and disrespect their parents, it is evidence that that society if falling apart and going away from God (Rom 1:30; 2 Tim 3:2). Now here’s an interesting fact.
God promises prosperity and long life.
Here is where you might say, “Whoa pastor, doesn’t that sound like the health and wealth false gospel?” And while it may sound like that, we need to be clear – it says what it says. The way that this is written means that this is a general truth, it’s something that generally happens if you honor your parents. Let’s put it into perspective.
In the first century, when this was written, 39-50% of children died before their 10th b-day. Yet God offered that if a child would obey and honor her parents, she would stand a much higher chance of doing well and living a much longer time than usual. This was true for Israel when Moses gave this promise to them centuries before Christ came into the world, it was true in the first century, and it’s still true today. The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about this (Prov. 15:5; 20:20; 30:17; cf. Prov. 6: 20-22; 13:1; 23:22).
This promise to live a longer, more prosperous life is not necessarily a promise of miraculous intervention, though God may certainly intervene for you. The fact of the matter is that the discipline of obeying your parents as a young child tends to lead to a disciplined adult life with wisdom, good social skills, healthy relationships, and good habits. The attitude of respect tends to bring a healthier, more peaceful outlook on life.
There are exceptions to the rule and not everyone will become a millionaire because they honored their parents. But in most cases I can say that if you will honor your parents, you will be more successful and live longer than if you disrespect your parents instead.
Children who disobey and dishonor their parents, on the other hand, tend to become adults who make foolish, careless choices, experience broken relationships, develop bad social skills, and fall into bad habits (addictions, wasteful spending, violent behavior, committing crimes, oversleeping, overeating, psychological issues, etc.).
“You reap what you sow,” Paul said (Gal. 6:7). If you sow seeds of the flesh, you will reap corruption later on; but if you sow sees of the Spirit, you will reap abundant life instead, but now and forever (Gal 6:8). That’s how this works.
Can you see what I mean when I say if you will obey and respect your parents, you will build a strong bridge for your future and for your relationship with God?
Children should take their parents seriously.
Like the toothpick bridge I built with my children good decisions helped it to be strong and it held more weight then you might expect. Yet eventually it broke from too much weight.
What about you? How strong is your bridge? Are you helping your church be strong for God in the future by obeying and honoring your parents? Are you building a strong bridge for your own future by respecting your parents as well?
If you’re a young child or teenager, let me strongly encourage you to build a strong bridge for your life and your church by obeying your parents no matter what. If you don’t obey and respect your parents, your future will collapse and your church will be damaged. Will you obey your parents, even today when you return to your home?
If you’re a grown child – an independent or married adult – let me encourage you to honor your parents by staying in touch, considering their advice, speaking well of them, and meeting their needs in old age. If you do, you’ll be successful and live a longer life than you would otherwise. And you’ll strengthen your church as well for the glory of God.
