Marks of a True Friend

After God choseDavid as the next king of Israel, Saul continued to occupy the throne forseveral years. This created an awkward situation to be sure. During this time,Saul looked for an opportunity to assassinate David and remove the threat thathe posed. In contrast, David showed no desire to revolt against Saul. He waitedpatiently for God to arrange a peaceful transfer of power instead.

In addition toSaul and David, a third man found himself in the crosshairs of this awkwarddilemma – Jonathan. On one hand, he was the son of King Saul. This made him theheir to his father’s throne and meant that David was a serious threat to his futureprogress. Yet quite surprisingly, Jonathan was a close friend to David. Welearn about the strength of this friendship in 1 Samuel 20. (Jonathan was also David’sbrother-in-law, since David was married to Michal, Saul’s daughter.)

A Summary of 1Samuel 20

In thischapter, David asked Jonathan why his father wanted to kill him. Jonathan claimedthat Saul intended no harm, but David was not convinced. So the two men deviseda plan to find out the truth and soon confirmed David’s concerns.

At an earlierpoint in their relationship, Jonathan and David had made a covenant together (1Sam 18:1-4; 20:8). Now he showed his commitment to this covenant by warningDavid about his fathers murderous plans. Afterwards, the two men made furthervows of friendship and separated for good.

This chapterserves the overarching purpose of Samuel’s writing in strategic ways,  establishing David, not Saul, as God’s choicefor Israel’s king. Jonathan, the son of David’s archnemesis, predicts David’sfuture kingship and success and forms a close friendship with him, despite strongopposition from his father (1 Sam 20:13-17, 42). He also protected David from Saulby giving him key intel about Saul’s plans. These actions by Jonathan help tocement David’s legitimate claim to the throne.

Some Marks of TrueFriendship

In addition tothese important takeaways, we learn some valuable lessons about nature of goodfriendships. As you consider these lessons, you should ask yourself two questions:

• Do Ihave any true friends?
• Am Ia true friend?

A true friendis someone you can speak to when you’re in a tight spot. (1 Sam 20:1)

Despite David’sloyal submission and service to Saul, David soon realized that Saul intended tokill him. As the problem became clear, he fled as quickly as possible to Jonathanto get some perspective. This should have been a dangerous or risky move, sinceJonathan was Saul’s son and the family heir to the throne, but David trustedJonathan so strongly as a friend that he went to him for help in his trouble.

A true frienddoes what is necessary to help you out. (1 Sam 20:4)

Jonathanthought the best of his father and didn’t believe that he would try to killDavid. Even so, he offered to do whatever it took to find out the truth. Hedidn’t expect David to simply take his word for it and was willing to be wrong.Instead, he developed a plan that would reveal the truth and give David peaceof mind and the ability to make appropriate decisions. In doing so, Jonathan provedthat he wanted what was best for David, not for himself.

A true friend tellsyou the truth. (1 Sam 20:9)

Jonathan assured David that he would tell him the truth. He would not hold back vital information from him. This is especially noteworthy because withholding information about Saul’s intentions to kill David would turn out in Jonathan’s favor, restoring him to the apparent heir to the throne. Yet once again, Jonathan demonstrates his commitment to David’s needs over his own aspirations. We often high value on a friend who tells you the truth whether it hurts you or not. But a true, true friend is one who tells you the truth when it especially hurts him instead. Jonathan was this kind of friend to David.

A true friendreturns kindness for kindness. (1 Sam 20:14-17)

For all thekindness that Jonathan had shown towards David, David assured Jonathan that hewould do the same for him. In this arrangement, David agreed to do no harm toJonathan or his descendants (1 Sam 24:21. Under normal protocol, a new king(especially of a new family dynasty) would eliminate the living descendants ofthe former dynasty. This practice removed unwanted threats to the throne andprovided stability to the kingdom.

In this case,however, David agreed to treat Jonathan and his descendants favorably – againstnormal custom. Sadly, Jonathan would eventually in a battle against thePhilistines (1 Sam 31:1-2). Even so, David remained true to his promise. He searchedfor any remaining descendants of Saul’s family for the purpose of treating themkindly, which he did for a descendant named Mephibosheth (2 Sam. 9:1, 3, 7). Heeven treated Mephibosheth kindly despite the possibility that Mephibosheth hadparticipated in a plot against the throne (2 Sam 19:25-29; 21:7).

A true friendremains faithful despite intense pressure to abandon you. (1 Sam 20:30-31)

When Saulrealized that Jonathan was covering for David, he placed intense pressure onhim to abandon his friendship. He used strong language, spoke about him in ashameful manner, and explained the personal disadvantages for being a friend toDavid. Despite this strong appeal, Jonathan remained a loyal friend to David.

A true friendshares a mutual commitment to the Lord. (1 Sam 20:42)

David and Jonathanhad made a commitment to one another before the Lord. They also trusted in theLord to maintain their relationship indefinitely. This is one element of friendshipthat nonbelievers cannot practice. They cannot worship the Lord together as theGod and ruler of their lives. Thankfully, Jonathan was such a friend that couldencourage David’s relationship with God (1 Sam 23:16).

Jonathan knewthat God had anointed David as the next king, so he submitted to God’s plan.David also trusted in the Lord and therefore felt no need to take matters intohis own hands, whether against Saul or Jonathan. Furthermore, if either one ofthese men somehow breached their mutual commitment to one another, they believedthat God himself would make things right and that he would do so in the best ofways.

A true friend shows respect to you. (1 Sam 20:41)

When Jonathancame to David with the final report of Saul’s plans, David responded to himwith humility and respect. Though David was God’s anointed heir to the throneand Jonathan had no future as such, David was silent for a moment then bowed himselfto the ground before Jonathan. To emphasize his respect for Jonathan, he bowednot once but three times, which is more than any other person is recorded asdoing for anyone else in Scripture.

A true friend loves you as though you were himself. (1 Sam 18:1; 20:17)

The OldTestament teaches the necessity of loving God with all your heart (Deut 6:4-5).It also emphasizes loving your neighbor as yourself (Lev 19:17). Centurieslater, Jesus would tie these two commandments together as being oneinterchangeable command so that to love your neighbor would be to love God. Inthis way, Jonathan’s love for David revealed that he loved God with the noblestform of love that the Torah enjoined. A true friend is good because he is firsta friend of God.