Cultivating Close Relationships

Thinking God’s Way, Lesson 12

Thinking God’sWay is a series of Bible studies that help believers meditate on theWord of God for the purpose of Christian growth. Each lesson features a verseof Scripture in English and the original language (whether Hebrew or Greek). Italso provides basic background information, followed by basic word definitionsand other key insights. Each lesson concludes with some questions formeditation and for applying the truth to life.

InitialThoughts

Friends and relatives are very important relationships. Without these relationships, how would we ever make it through painful and difficult seasons in our lives? This proverb underscores and explores the value of these relationships.

Key Verse:Proverbs 17:17

In English(NKJV)

A friend loves at all times,

   and a brother is born foradversity.

In Hebrew

בְּכָל־עֵ֭ת אֹהֵ֣ב הָרֵ֑עַ

וְאָ֥ח לְ֝צָרָ֗ה יִוָּלֵֽד

English and HebrewTogether

A friend (הָרֵ֑עַ) loves (אֹהֵ֣ב) at all times (בְּכָל־עֵ֭ת),

   and a brother (וְאָ֥ח) is born (יִוָּלֵֽד)for adversity (לְ֝צָרָ֗ה).

BackgroundInformation

This statementappears in the Old Testament book of Proverbs, which provides an extensivecollection of insights for a wide variety of situations. They teach you how tolive in a skillful, successful, and satisfying way.

Mostimportantly, they teach you how to make choices in light of what you know aboutGod, for “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7). SinceGod is who he says he is, does what he says he does, and rules over everyaspect of our lives, we should give him the respect he deserves by makingchoices that reflect this awareness.

Keywords andtheir Meanings

Mounce’sComplete Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006) together with an interlinearBible, like The NKJV Greek English Interlinear New Testament (ThomasNelson, 1994) is an excellent way to get accurate definitions for your Biblestudy based upon Greek and Hebrew meanings.

• Friend(רֵעַ):“neighbor; friend, companion, associate.”

• Loves(אָהַב):“to love, like, be a friend.” This concept generally includes some degree ofpersonal affection that comes from having a close relationship with the otherperson and sometimes highlights a person’s choice to be devoted to one personover another.

• All (כֹּל):“all, everyone, everything, totality of a mass or collective; every, any, aparticular of a totality.” By “any,” we can read it as “any kind of” or “allkinds of.”

• Time(עֵת):“time (in general); a unit of time (of various lengths); season.” This wordoften refers to events and occasions in life or to the various stages of lifethat mark “the passing of time.” It can also refer to the seasons of the annualcalendar that are based upon the planting and harvesting cycles.

• Brother(אָח): “brother; byextension: family, kinsman, relative (of either gender); a term of endearment;anyone of the same race or large social group: countryman; associate.” In mostcases, this word somehow reflects a relationship that is genealogical, as ablood relative, or legal, as a relative through marriage or adoption.

• Born(יָלַד): “to be born; to be adescendant.” This word emphasizes the biological, organic nature of the “brother”or “blood relative” relationship.

• (צָרָה): “trouble,distress, calamity, anguish.” This word highlights circumstances which are veryunfortunate, and which cause intense emotional pain.

Other KeyInsights

This statementis written in a format called Hebrew parallelism. In this case, it features twolines (a “couplet”) written as synonymous (or comparing) parallelism, whichmeans that the second line (or “B line”) presents an idea that’s similar to thefirst (the “A Line”).

The parallelismformat helps you memorize Scripture and think about it in a thought-provokingway. When you think about a proverb, don’t just ask questions about theindividual words and lines, but also ask questions about how the lines relateto each other.

Questions forMeditation and Reflection

How arebrothers (and sisters) and friends a similar kind of relationship?

They are closerelationships and they set you apart from other people, since you are brotheror sister to some people and not others, and you are a friend to some peoplebut not others. They also consist of personal feelings of affection andappreciation.

What is thedifference between a brother (or sister) and a friend?

God choosesyour brothers, sisters, and other blood relatives, since they come into yourlife (and you come into theirs) through the natural birth process with isoutside of your control. In contrast, you choose who your friends will be andvisa versa. Relatives are “birth” relationships, but friends are “choice”relationships.

Why does God“birth” brothers and sisters into your life, and why does he “birth” you intothe lives of your brothers and sisters?

To provide you(and your relatives) with someone who will be “there” for you when you’re goingthrough difficult, painful circumstances in life. This doesn’t mean that yourrelatives will always rise to this challenge, however.

How (or when)do you know whether a so-called friend is a real friend?

A test ofgenuine friendship is whether or not the relationship continues from one stageof life to the next. Another test of true friendship is whether or not therelationship functions and remains strong when you (or the other person)experiences painful or difficult things.

“Fair weather” friends are not like this. They associate with you when you're popular, wealthy, successful, healthy, fun, accessible, and have something to offer them. True friends stay close when you’re unpopular, poor, unsuccessful, unhealthy, boring, inaccessible, and have nothing to offer them – needing more than you’re able to give.

Name some ofthe general, overall “seasons” in life, from birth through death.

Childhood,adolescence, early adulthood, college, early career, marriage, parenting,midlife, pre-retirement, senior citizen, etc.

Why is it hardto maintain close friendships with people through all the stages of life? (Orwhy do friendships seem to last only one life-stage at a time?)

People change.First, our personal circumstances change as mentioned above, such as ourwealth, success, health, etc. Second, our situations in life also change. Wemove to new geographic locations, change schools, switch jobs or careers, enterinto new relationships and stages of life (as when one friend marries andanother remains single, etc.), or enter new social groups of one kind oranother. Some of these changes make close relationships more difficult to maintain(due to increased distance, changing priorities, etc.).

Name some“times” or “seasons” in life that test the genuineness of a friendship.

The genuinenessof a friendship gets tested the most when one person in the relationship transitionsfrom one stage of life to another. Another “time” of testing occurs when oneperson in the relationship experiences a serious loss or setback of one kind oranother. Sometimes he brings the problem(s) on himself, while other times heexperiences something he could not have prevented.

A PersonalTranslation

Before youconsider how to apply this truth to your life by allowing it to change yourmindset and approach to life, write out a personal translation. Use what youhave learned  to write this verse in yourown words.

Questions forPersonal Application

• Name some people with whom you’ve chosen to associate yourself at various stages in your life.

• Howmany “stages” of life did each friendship last? Why did or didn’t eachfriendship last?

• Namesome “brothers” and “sisters” (blood relatives or friends of similar ethnicdescent) in your life ?

• Howare they “there for you” in especially difficult and painful times? Or how arethey not there?

• Whyis it significant that born-again Christians call themselves brothers andsisters in Christ?

• What are some ways that you are building friendships (being a friend) and being like a brother or sister to the other believers in your church?