The Way Your Child Should Go
When you fill a balloon with air and let it go, it flies around in all directions then falls to the ground. This illustrates what can happen in parenting. When parents let a child run free, that child will later cause emotional distress for his or her mother (Prov 10:1; 29:15). Children need parents to guide them with intentional effort and care. To become a mature and responsible adult, a child needs parents to train him (Prov 22:6).
Understanding a Proverb
Good people debate the meaning of Proverbs 22:6. It says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” A proper understanding of this proverb finds a balance between two opposite interpretations. For instance, some people call this a promise. Others portray it as an ideal outcome with no guarantees.The promise view misunderstands the nature of a proverb. A proverb makes a general observation about life from God’s perspective. But it doesn’t say everything possible. Consider Proverbs 22:4, which says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” This observation is generally true, but humble people who fear the Lord do not always enjoy fortune, fame, and good health.The ideal view also misunderstands the nature of a proverb. Though a proverb doesn’t say everything possible about a situation, it does speak the truth about reality. Consider Proverbs 22:4 again. Humble people who fear the Lord do not always enjoy fortune, fame, and good health. In fact, they may suffer instead (2 Tim 3:12). But humility and the fear of God are the only legitimate way to fortune, fame, and good health nonetheless.To understand Proverbs 22:6, you should read it as neither a guaranteed promise nor an elusive ideal. Instead, you should read it as a proverb that gives a true perspective about parenting, even though it is not comprehensive.
Understanding the Words
To embrace this proverb, you must understand the words. First, the Hebrew word for train means to provide verbal and hands-on guidance that develops proper behavior. As such, it resembles the Greek word that Paul used for child-training (Eph 6:4). This underscores the vital role that parents play in forming good character in the hearts of their children.Next, the word child refers to a child of any age, from infancy to late adolescence (Gen 37:2; Exo 2:6; 1 Sam 1:24; 2 Kings 2:23). And the word old refers independent, mature adulthood. In this phase of life, a child no longer needs parental training. Together, these words show that God intends for parents to provide guidance throughout the development process. Though needs may change, children need consistent hands-on parental guidance from birth to beginning of adulthood.In a physical sense, the word way means a path, road, or route that leads to a destination. In a figurative sense, it refers to the habits and objectives that serve as a pathway to guide a person through the journey of life. To describe this further, the phrase “which he should go” explains that every child has an assigned “portion” in life, not just a generic template for all people. He or she needs parental guidance to identify this individual life-plan.
Understanding the Way
God gives parents the profound opportunity to guide their children into the life-plan God has for them. They should be like an expert archer who shoots arrows at a target (“the way he should go”), not a scientist who experiments by releasing a balloon (Prov 127:4). To guide your children in the right way, you should consider three related concepts.
Use Appropriate Words and Methods
As children move down the road of life, they pass through various life stages, from infant to toddler and beyond. A parent should adjust to each stage, understanding needs, using right vocabulary, establishing right expectations, and providing appropriate opportunities.
Emphasize God’s General Will Revealed in Scripture
Every child is unique and so is their God-given life-plan. But each one needs to follow the guidance of God’s Word (Deut 6:6-9). Wise parents will instill the teaching, values, and worldview of God’s Word into the hearts of their children from infancy to adulthood. This approach is able to guide a child both to genuine salvation through Jesus and to every other good work that God wants him or her to accomplish (John 14:6; 1 Tim 3:15-17).
Encourage God’s Specific Will
As you raise your child and pray for him or her, you will discover a unique personality, set of strengths and weaknesses, and interests. (After a child believes on Jesus, you also will be able to discover spiritual gifting.) You should help your child identify these factors in his or her life. Most importantly, you should teach your child to submit to God by following him in a personal, direct way (1 Sam 3:7-11). Teach the difference between selfish, independent living and surrendered, God-dependent living (Prov 3:5-6; 14:12; 16:25; Rom 12:1-8).
Understanding the Big Picture
Though Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t answer every question and give every detail about the human heart and the child-training process, it provides a basic template for parents to follow. From birth to adulthood, parents should use all the resources at their disposal. In reliance upon God, they should help each child discover and pursue God’s purpose and plan for his or her life. To the degree that they do this, the child will succeed in adulthood.
Review Questions
- Did your parents instill God’s will from Scripture into your approach to life? If so, how?
- Did your parents help you to discover God’s specific will for your life? If so, how?
- How can your family put into practice what you have learned from this lesson?
